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Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Lawrenceville Prep School : My Bumble/Humble/Jumble Story Of Stories 1969-1972
This was perhaps one of the biggest upsets ever in my life and though I survive-thrived on my own wits and the assistance, care and help proffered from a very few teachers and housemasters I feel that with time I have become more bitter and cryptic and critical and judgemental than ever before as the years have passed and I have been able to finally digest much of the gristle and the grind and the rind of many things that could have been and should probably have been - different, somehow - and with the aid and assistance of many others. But alas, Lawrenceville was about the Alpha A and the over-achievers and about the glitter and the surface and the prestige and the history and the glory of days passed and of new and old money and clout from them both and perhaps more about the " outer-wrappings " and the " look at how grand we are ?!? Don't you agree?!? " mentality. It was less about each and every individual than it should have been. It was much less about developing each individual as he could and would probably liked help in discovering about himself with the aid of others older and more experienced?
Harsh word , I know. I have even harsher words back then for the one guidance counselor that I believe to this day did nothing at all to encourage me to do better and to assist me in making some of the better choices to have done better with the help of an established and supposedly glorious old prep school steeped in tradition and power and position and clout and prestige and all the other outer-wrappings that help to elevate and to promote and to help with the sticky issues and considerations of " all that promise out there " that may or may not be any or all of ours?!?
What was his name : the blasted name of my guidance counselor back then?!? Best that I have forgotten it. I did babysit for his children back then. He did know me : he did avail himself of my humble services back then. Was it an even exchange : his for mine? Who ultimately did better in the end? I did : that's simple and true : I did better. But I did it on my own without any real help from him. At least this is my firm conviction to this day. I may be wrong : I would like to be wrong. I would like to think it was me being head strung and not wanting to listen - not wanting any help? There, in the middle of the New Jersey countryside in the little village of Lawrenceville down the road from Princeton and not far from Trenton? My family away overseas and me there on my own with a couple of good friends in Dave and Roy and with the kind regard of Mr Robbins and Jack Garver and perhaps my Spanish teacher, too as well as Dr. Deihl in Science that when one said " well " in a sentence he smiled immediately and paused, reflected and immediately responded : Well, are you inquiring about my health? I don't believe so? Well? Meaning water or oil? Is that it? " and he would be off on an exploration of the many meanings of the word " well " such as one would never again use it in his classroom! I loved that. Truth be told, I liked many things about Lawrenceville and have written as story about it that I will add here really soon.
And before I close I want to say thanks to Jack Garver - ode to and homage to art and all things artistic, thank you for being there to help me along in my wonder/my wander/ my lust - my always trust in art and artistic expression ; to Mr. Robbins ( classics as well as an extensive wall of classical lps - remember those? I am listening to one now : the Youngblood's " Elephant Mountain " and the song " Darkness Darkness " : " darkness darkness, be my pillow, take my head and let me sleep, in the coolness of your shadow ...cover me with the endless night ... be my blanket, take away my ... emptiness of right now, now, now , now emptiness of dark, emptiness, emptiness oh yeah, OH YEAH , oh yeah ..." to which I might add : the emptiness-loneliness of Lawrenceville in so many great, youthful, promise of bloom and flowering of youthful enrichment and expression and directed/focused direction ... I do love that song. And to think that it was my grandmother that first made me aware of the Youngbloods? Go figure? Not everything is learned within the confines ( poor choice of word here ? ) of a classroom that may and often is confining?!?
But I am running away here from those that I want to thank. Mr Robbins, you always had a lovely glint and spark-sparkle in your eyes. I liked that : it was like a kindness, like a haven, a harbor, an oasis and I thank you for that. I thank you for the opening of your living room and your music and the listening as we both spoke of ourselves. I don't think I felt any more welcome anywhere at Lawrenceville as I did there on the third floor of the Upper House. For you and Mr. Garver I hold the biggest gratitude and I just want to say that even after all these years I have not forgotten any of it. Thanks again.
For my fellow students I say " hello " and " thanks " to Roy foremost ( where are you now Roy?!? Gosh, how we did smile and laugh and go on like crazy hyenas there on the third floor of the Upper House together! ); Dave, Paul ( my last roommate that made me realize that it was important/essential to compartmentalize things and move along - be less-sensitive - grow a thick skin, not care as much ... )... and there are others, too ...
I will start to include the story I wrote soon. Cheers and Happy New Year 2010!
In parting I also want to say that I am glad that Lawrenceville is finally coed as I think it must certainly foster a better situation than the one that I lived in for three years where girls were not an integral part of our daily lives and thus their images distorted and our situation a lot / a bit more primal-animal and brute.
Is there anything more attractive in young men than animal-brute-immaturity that thus became mostly directed at one another when we perhaps could have benefited from a bit more nurturing and less wicked/savage ugliness and so many childish unkindness?!? But then who was I then / who am I now to have all these comments and opinions? So many contrary to showing Lawrenceville back then in a glowing/attractive light?
In response I may only say that it is simply my own humble opinion and one that I feel no hesitation now after all these years releasing into cyberspace to be attacked, ignored, reviled, saluted, cheered - whichever - bring it on ... TONY
Harsh word , I know. I have even harsher words back then for the one guidance counselor that I believe to this day did nothing at all to encourage me to do better and to assist me in making some of the better choices to have done better with the help of an established and supposedly glorious old prep school steeped in tradition and power and position and clout and prestige and all the other outer-wrappings that help to elevate and to promote and to help with the sticky issues and considerations of " all that promise out there " that may or may not be any or all of ours?!?
What was his name : the blasted name of my guidance counselor back then?!? Best that I have forgotten it. I did babysit for his children back then. He did know me : he did avail himself of my humble services back then. Was it an even exchange : his for mine? Who ultimately did better in the end? I did : that's simple and true : I did better. But I did it on my own without any real help from him. At least this is my firm conviction to this day. I may be wrong : I would like to be wrong. I would like to think it was me being head strung and not wanting to listen - not wanting any help? There, in the middle of the New Jersey countryside in the little village of Lawrenceville down the road from Princeton and not far from Trenton? My family away overseas and me there on my own with a couple of good friends in Dave and Roy and with the kind regard of Mr Robbins and Jack Garver and perhaps my Spanish teacher, too as well as Dr. Deihl in Science that when one said " well " in a sentence he smiled immediately and paused, reflected and immediately responded : Well, are you inquiring about my health? I don't believe so? Well? Meaning water or oil? Is that it? " and he would be off on an exploration of the many meanings of the word " well " such as one would never again use it in his classroom! I loved that. Truth be told, I liked many things about Lawrenceville and have written as story about it that I will add here really soon.
And before I close I want to say thanks to Jack Garver - ode to and homage to art and all things artistic, thank you for being there to help me along in my wonder/my wander/ my lust - my always trust in art and artistic expression ; to Mr. Robbins ( classics as well as an extensive wall of classical lps - remember those? I am listening to one now : the Youngblood's " Elephant Mountain " and the song " Darkness Darkness " : " darkness darkness, be my pillow, take my head and let me sleep, in the coolness of your shadow ...cover me with the endless night ... be my blanket, take away my ... emptiness of right now, now, now , now emptiness of dark, emptiness, emptiness oh yeah, OH YEAH , oh yeah ..." to which I might add : the emptiness-loneliness of Lawrenceville in so many great, youthful, promise of bloom and flowering of youthful enrichment and expression and directed/focused direction ... I do love that song. And to think that it was my grandmother that first made me aware of the Youngbloods? Go figure? Not everything is learned within the confines ( poor choice of word here ? ) of a classroom that may and often is confining?!?
But I am running away here from those that I want to thank. Mr Robbins, you always had a lovely glint and spark-sparkle in your eyes. I liked that : it was like a kindness, like a haven, a harbor, an oasis and I thank you for that. I thank you for the opening of your living room and your music and the listening as we both spoke of ourselves. I don't think I felt any more welcome anywhere at Lawrenceville as I did there on the third floor of the Upper House. For you and Mr. Garver I hold the biggest gratitude and I just want to say that even after all these years I have not forgotten any of it. Thanks again.
For my fellow students I say " hello " and " thanks " to Roy foremost ( where are you now Roy?!? Gosh, how we did smile and laugh and go on like crazy hyenas there on the third floor of the Upper House together! ); Dave, Paul ( my last roommate that made me realize that it was important/essential to compartmentalize things and move along - be less-sensitive - grow a thick skin, not care as much ... )... and there are others, too ...
I will start to include the story I wrote soon. Cheers and Happy New Year 2010!
In parting I also want to say that I am glad that Lawrenceville is finally coed as I think it must certainly foster a better situation than the one that I lived in for three years where girls were not an integral part of our daily lives and thus their images distorted and our situation a lot / a bit more primal-animal and brute.
Is there anything more attractive in young men than animal-brute-immaturity that thus became mostly directed at one another when we perhaps could have benefited from a bit more nurturing and less wicked/savage ugliness and so many childish unkindness?!? But then who was I then / who am I now to have all these comments and opinions? So many contrary to showing Lawrenceville back then in a glowing/attractive light?
In response I may only say that it is simply my own humble opinion and one that I feel no hesitation now after all these years releasing into cyberspace to be attacked, ignored, reviled, saluted, cheered - whichever - bring it on ... TONY
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